Tuesday, April 08, 2008
My Jaina. My sweet Jaina. Oh, sometimes I really worry about her. More accurately, I worry about how I parent her. I know she had me to herself for 3 years, but I can't help feeling guilty that I can't devote as much time and attention to her. Even though she is older and more independent now, I think I take for granted that she IS only 5 years old. My mother often warns me of doing this. Sometimes I forget that she's still a little kid. I find myself losing patience with her just because I've just spent 30 minutes trying to calm down her brother. She comes home from school every day, excited about a new project that she wants to start with me, only for me to be so mentally exhausted from the day's therapies and activities to even deal with her.
Instead I hand her the remote, tell her to watch whatever she wants, then I come find solace on my computer while Jayce naps in his room. I find that I am using breaks from Jayce for myself, not for Jaina. So, that results in Jaina not getting much one-on-one attention.
She plays so well by herself. She is just like me when I was little. Like her, I preferred having friends over or having my mommy play a game with me, but if neither option was available, I could entertain myself for hours with my dolls and stuffed animals.
But just because she *can* play so well by herself, doesn't mean I should shirk my parenting responsibilities either. Its so hard to find a balance, you know?
How do moms with multiple kids do it? I would love to know their secret! I definitely have enough love for both my children to share. I just don't have enough time it seems like :(
I really try to not make things all about Jayce. Yet, that's what seems to occupy my mind and time each day. It really saddened me to discover that my number one reason for feeling like I couldn't successfully homeschool was because I was too busy carting Jayce around to his various therapies. Doesn't she deserve more than that? So, we put her in a school that would teach her what she needed to know to free up my time for Jayce. That still does not sit right with me.
Anyway, I am sure it will all work out. I'm just feeling a little depressed right now about our situation. That's normally not me, Mrs. Optimistic, and I take comfort in knowing that by tomorrow, I'll have a sunnier outlook on life.
Oh, and I am not happy with my blog layout. Expect lots of wishy-washy changes before I get satisfied with April's layout :)
Posted by *Jess*