Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Untitled

I've been thinking long and hard about this post for quite some time now. And every time I do, it has a different title in my head.

"This Sucks."
"You've got to be kidding me"
"Empty"
"Impatience"

Sigh.

Remember this post?

I thought for sure I'd be announcing my pregnancy by September. I mean, its not like I had to even try for either of my pregnancies with Jayce and Jaina. Aren't I one of those women that you can just look at and get pregnant?

Apparently not.

So, this sucks. And I'm running out of patience. I understand that in the grand scheme of things, 6 months isn't that long for a couple to not conceive. Its still considered normal and all that jazz. But I'd argue that it doesn't feel normal for me. And that's what's killing me.

I haven't really been talking about all the stuff that goes along with TTC on my blog. Not because I'm a private person (pshaw! I'll tell a stranger my life story in about 5 seconds flat!) or because I don't think anyone is interested (if no one was interested, there wouldn't be so many TTC blogs and Infertility forums on the internet!).

Its because I don't want to let everyone down month after month, like I'm let down. Once in a while, I'll comment on my parenting board or mention to a well-meaning friend who asks where I am at in my cycle. And people always get excited. "Maybe this is your month!" or "That's a great sign!" or "I can't wait until you can test!" I share their excitement enthusiastically and my hopes get raised just a little bit more. And then, my period inevitably comes. Or I get another negative on a pregnancy test. Then there are so many people I have to tell, again, that "no, this wasn't my month." That leads to all my friends (internet and IRL), finding the right words to say.

I hate putting you all in this position. I never know what to say when I find out someone has been trying for months or years to conceive. Or what to say when I discover that someone's had a miscarriage. What can you say that makes everyone feel better and doesn't sound trite?

So, unless I have some important news to report, like discovering some fertility issue that I may have or something, I'm just going to let this topic rest for now. I don't want this blog to turn into an Infertility Blog anymore than I want it to be an Autism Blog or a Photography Blog. This is just a small part of what's going on in my life.

Any and all advice is welcome, of course :) Just know that I have been charting, my cycles are extremely unpredictable, but I do believe I am ovulating, and I'm watching my luetal phase closely. Oh, and we've been having sex. I heard that helps things :)

And for now, I'll just keep on loving the two I have :)

11 comments:

  1. Hang in there! The timing will be perfect!

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  2. Hang in there. My first baby I swear my hubs winked at me and I was pregnant. Second baby took MUCH longer...I was so scared and upset. Worried so much. Thanks for sharing it with us...saying a prayer for you!

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  3. Hi!
    I know exactly how you feel. I had multiple pregnancy losses after #5 and then had a hard time TTC with #6. Totally unexplainable!! I went to the dr's and had tests and everything... My dr. just shook her head and couldn't figure it out. She was so uplifting and encouraging though. I have a friend who is going thru the same exact thing. Its heartbreaking. I know, I have walked those shoes. All I can say is that if you give up, you can guarantee not to have a baby. If I gave up, I would not have my sweet Penelope. Only God understands why or knows the full details of our time table. Sometimes we just have to sit back and "enjoy" the ride.

    On that note, Im having a 31 party and having the Polk-a-dot monogram come to sell her things and since I live close to Sparkle City... I figured I would ask you. My friend who is having trouble ttc will be there and she would be happy to chat and vent with you. Message me privately thru my blog for info if your interested!!
    Xoxo
    GapGirl

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  4. I'll be praying for you!

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  5. Coming from someone who has been where you are I know there is nothing to be said that will make you feel better. While 6 months really isn't that long it can also feel like an eternity. In the world of IF every day is a long day.

    Praying that it happens very soon. And if it's a boy I'll be sure to send you a set of the Superman onesies.

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  6. I know you are probably very disappointed each month that goes by. I'll say a prayer for you guys, God knows what He is doing.

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  7. You know my whole fertility story in regards to conceiving Alden (I mean, 20 months?!) so I know how you feel. Any time you want to talk, I am here.

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  8. I'll definitely be praying for you. We struggled with infertility for years. The "let down" each month gets so exhausting..and sad. Hang in there...remember, I think the odds of becoming pregnant in ideal situations is only like 25-30% each month. One of these months will work! How long is your luteal phase? I had a chart that looked perfectly normal..however I wasn't ovulating a good egg (they later found through laparoscopy that I had cystic ovaries (not pcos) and endometriosis.) I got pregnant after I took clomid for a few months on my first son.

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  9. You probably have a copy but if not, get "Taking Charge of your Fertility". I was doing charting and all that jazz but that book really helped me understand everything going on in my body a lot better. Hang in there sweetie!!!

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  10. Praying for you guys and just remember that when the time is right, it will be... (hugs)

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  11. Keeping you in your thoughts. I hope it all works out.

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Thanks for commenting!